When Good Intentions Backfire

Note: I found some notes from a workshop I did a few years ago.  Still applies! -- wcd 

When Good Intentions Backfire: 10 Habits That Quietly Push People Away

You mean well. You care. You try to be a good friend, partner, sibling, or colleague. But sometimes, despite our best intentions, people start to pull away — and we’re left wondering what went wrong.

The truth is, some of the most alienating behaviors don’t come from malice. They come from love, fear, insecurity, or a desire to help. And because they’re subtle, we often don’t realize we’re doing them.

Here are 10 well-meaning habits that might be quietly pushing people away:

1. Giving Too Much Advice

You want to help, so you offer solutions. But sometimes, people just want to be heard. Constantly jumping in with fixes can make them feel like their emotions and ability to problem-solve are being brushed aside.

2. Apologizing All the Time

Saying sorry for everything, even things that aren’t your fault, can make interactions feel awkward and heavy. It may seem like humility, but it often signals low self-worth and can make others feel uncomfortable.

3. Avoiding Conflict to “Keep the Peace”

You don’t want to rock the boat, so you stay quiet. But avoiding hard conversations can build resentment and create distance. Real connection requires honesty, even when it’s uncomfortable.

4. Always Putting Yourself Last

Being generous is beautiful — until it becomes self-erasure. If you never express your own needs, people may stop considering them altogether. Over time, this can lead to imbalance and burnout.

5. Keeping Your Guard Up

You think you’re protecting yourself, but emotional walls can make others feel shut out. Vulnerability is scary, but it’s also how trust and intimacy are built.

6. Trying to Cheer People Up Too Quickly

When someone’s hurting, it’s tempting to offer silver linings. But “look on the bright side” can feel dismissive. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is sit with someone in their pain.

7. Being a Little Too Available

Texting constantly, always saying yes, showing up uninvited — it might feel like loyalty, but it can come off as clingy or overwhelming. People need space to miss you.

8. Being Indirect

You don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so you hint instead of saying what you mean. But vagueness breeds confusion. Clarity, delivered kindly, is a gift.

9. Playing the Martyr

If you’re always sacrificing and then quietly resenting it, people will feel the tension — even if you never say a word. Love shouldn’t come with a guilt trip.

10. Loving Too Fast, Too Hard

You dive in headfirst, pouring your heart out before the other person is ready. Intensity can be beautiful, but relationships need time to grow roots.

The Bottom Line

Good intentions aren’t enough. What matters is how our actions land. If you notice people pulling away, don’t panic — just get curious. Ask yourself: Am I showing up in a way that feels safe, open, and respectful of their space?

Connection isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present, real, and authentic.  Be blessed! ~wcd

America's Deepening Divide

When Politics Break Hearts: America's Deepening Divide

There was a time when political disagreements felt like lively debates over dinner—passionate, yes, but not personal. Today, those conversations can seem like emotional landmines. The political climate in America has become so volatile and sharply divided that even casual comments can ignite fierce arguments among lifelong friends, close-knit families, and trusted colleagues. 

America's political upheaval isn't just playing out in Congress or on cable news—it's happening in churches, living rooms, group chats, and office break rooms. The divide isn't just about ideology; it's emotional. People aren't merely disagreeing on policy—they're questioning each other's values, morality, and even humanity. Here's how it works...

• Social media algorithms amplify outrage and reward tribalism.
• "News/echo chambers" reinforce beliefs and demonize dissent.
• Misinformation spreads faster than truth, eroding trust.
• Identity politics make every issue feel life-or-death.

It's no wonder that conversations often feel like battles. The stakes seem too high, and the emotional toll too heavy. Most heartbreaking is how this divide breaks apart relationships that once felt unbreakable. Friends who shared childhood memories now avoid each other's calls. Family dinners are canceled to avoid confrontation. Colleagues tiptoe around topics, fearing professional fallout.

The pain isn't just in the disagreement—it's in the loss of connection. The feeling that someone you love has become unrecognizable. The grief of watching shared history dissolve under the weight of political discord.

Bridging this divide isn't about winning arguments—it's about reclaiming empathy. It's about remembering that behind every opinion is a person shaped by experiences, fears, and hopes. It's hard work. It's uncomfortable. And sometimes, it feels impossible.

America's political landscape may be fractured, but its people remain capable of forming connections if we allow ourselves to. Healing won't come from a single election or policy—it will come from millions of quiet, courageous moments where someone chooses compassion over contempt.

America Must Untangle Religion from Nationalism

In today's America, the lines between religion, patriotism, and nationalism have become so blurred that many struggle to distinguish where one ends and the other begins. Churches draped in flags. Political rallies echoing sermons. Leaders invoking divine will to justify policy. It's a fusion that feels righteous to some—but deeply unnerving to others. 

Religion, at its core, is meant to be a personal and spiritual journey—a source of moral guidance, community, and hope. But when it's taken over by nationalism, it risks becoming a tool of division rather than unity.

• Patriotism is love of country. It can be humble, reflective, and inclusive.
• Nationalism is something else entirely — it demands loyalty, conformity, and often, exclusion.
• When religion is merged with nationalism, dissent becomes heresy. Political opponents are seen as enemies of God. And suddenly, the sacred is used to justify power.

This isn't just a philosophical concern—it's a practical one. It diminishes pluralism. It alienates citizens who don't share the dominant faith. And it turns political discussion into moral warfare. The results appear in broken relationships and divided communities. People feel pressured to choose between their faith and their freedom. Between their conscience and their country. When religion is used as a litmus test for patriotism, it silences the voices democracy needs most.

We've seen:

• Families torn apart over political sermons.
• Religious minorities are sidelined in civic life.
• Policies shaped more by dogma than data.
• Liberty threatened and the Constitution demonized

This isn't just unhealthy—it's un-American.

To heal, we must reassert the boundaries:

• Religion should inspire compassion, not control.
• Patriotism should celebrate diversity, not demand uniformity.
• National identity should be rooted in shared values—not a single creed.

The Founders understood this. That's why they enshrined the separation of church and state—not to weaken faith, but to protect it. To allow belief to thrive freely, without coercion or corruption. It takes courage to speak out when faith is politicized. It takes grace to disagree without demonizing. And it takes vision to re-imagine an America where religion uplifts, patriotism unites, and nationalism never surpasses our shared humanity.

We must start that conversation, not for politics, but for survival. Not to tear down—but to rebuild. With clarity. With conviction. And with the hope that we can love our country without losing our collective mind and soul.

God, heal America. God bless America. - wcd

Going Back Home

 “The Home Place”

The house is gone. The porch where cousins giggled and played, the kitchen where grandmother stirred love into every pot, the yard that once bloomed with Easter eggs and barefoot summers—all of it, long since reclaimed by time.

And yet, it remains.

The Home Place lives in the hush of memory, in the scent of biscuits you still try to recreate, in the way sunlight hits a pond and makes you pause. It’s stitched into your soul like a well-worn quilt—faded, but never forgotten.

Some places don’t need walls to hold their meaning. They exist in the gatherings, the laughter, the prayers whispered in quiet corners. They are sanctuaries of the heart.

What place shaped you, even after it disappeared? What memories do you carry like heirlooms?

God of roots and remembrance, Thank You for the homes that built us— even when they no longer stand. Let the echoes of love and legacy guide us as we build new places of belonging.

WCD-2025

©-Learntrax Press | All Rights Reserved | 2025

When You Feel Politically Homeless

When You Feel Politically Homeless

There’s a quiet strength in leading from the margins. Not from the sidelines of irrelevance—but from the sacred space where clarity resides, far from the noise of theo-political entanglement. For those of us who feel politically homeless—disgusted by the twisted fusion of faith and politics—this isn’t exile. It’s refuge. And from that refuge, we can quietly lead.

I don’t wear red or blue. I don’t subscribe to platforms that hijack scripture or monetize morality. I’ve watched pulpits turn into platforms and preachers become political influencers. And somewhere in that dissonance, I became "alert"—not aligned, not angry, but clear-eyed... Seeing with a kind of vision that actually improves with age. 

I feel politically homeless these days. And political homelessness isn’t confusion; it’s clarity with nowhere to sit. So, you try to lead from the margins, seeing through the fog as best you can and aiming to speak to what’s real. You understand the ache of those who feel unseen and unheard. You don’t need a political party to validate your purpose. You walk in truth, even when it’s inconvenient.

Here's what I’ve learned: There's a large free American audience hungry for honesty and integrity. We must be able to say what others won’t. “I don’t fit in this version of the system—and maybe you don’t either.”

This isn’t about reclaiming power, it’s about redefining it. Because true leadership doesn’t demand allegiance; it invites participation. And real change happens when we empower others to think critically, vote wisely, and live fearlessly.

You don’t need to be "aligned" to be effective. You don’t need to be accepted to have an impact. You just need to be completely alert, wholly available, and solidly anchored.   Be blessed!   ~wcd

 From my project, "Listen While the Paintings Speak" to be published later in the Fall. 

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Listen While the Paintings Speak

by W C Douglas

The Rusty Hay Rake

Time has a way of softening the edges of labor and hard times. This rusted hay rake, once pulled by calloused hands and steady horses, now rests in stillness—watching over the pond like a sentinel of memory. It speaks not of abandonment, but of rest. Of seasons fulfilled. Of work that shaped the land and the soul.

The pond reflects more than the sky—it holds echoes of laughter, prayers and tall tales whispered on porch steps, and the quiet dignity of lives lived with purpose. The hay rake, though no longer in use, remains a witness. A relic of resilience. There’s holiness in things that endure. Even when their function fades, their presence still ministers.

What "tools" in your life—once active, now quiet—still carry meaning?
Where have you left your mark, even after the work was done?

God of seasons and stillness, thank You for the beauty in what remains.
Let me honor the past without clinging to it, and find peace in the quiet places where You still speak. Amen

©-Learntrax Press | All Rights Reserved | 2025 | learntrax.com

Narcissism in the Mirror

 

A Biblical Lens on Narcissism

by W C Douglas, PhD, MEd

We live in an online, global culture that rewards "influence",  self-promotion, image management, and emotional detachment. But Scripture offers a radically different model; one that exposes the dangers of narcissism and invites us into a life of humility, empathy, and servant-hearted leadership.

So what does the Bible say about narcissism? And how do we apply that wisdom in our homes, marriages, and relationships? While the Bible doesn’t use the word narcissism, it speaks directly to its major traits:

• Self-centeredness: “People will be lovers of themselves…” (2 Timothy 3:2)

• Pride and arrogance: “Pride goes before destruction…” (Proverbs 16:18)

• Manipulation and control: “By smooth talk and flattery they deceive…” (Romans 16:18)

• Lack of empathy: “They have no love, no mercy…” (Romans 1:31)

These aren’t just personality quirks—they’re major spiritual warning signs. And when left unchecked, they erode trust, intimacy, and emotional safety in every relationship.

Application in marriage and families: From Control to Covenant

In a narcissistic environment, marriage and families can become a stage for dominance rather than a sanctuary for mutual growth. But biblical love calls us higher: 

• Honor over ego: “Husbands, love your wives…” (Colossians 3:19) Love isn’t loud—it’s sacrificial. A man is privileged to lead when he listens, honors, and uplifts.

• Mutual submission: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21) Headship isn’t a hierarchy—it’s a holy dance of mutual respect.

• Emotional safety: True leadership creates space for vulnerability, not fear. If one partner always feels silenced or invalidated, it’s time to re-evaluate the spiritual health of the relationship. If children live in dread, fear, and criticism rather than safety and acceptance, red flags are waving. 

Application in Parenting: Raising Empathetic, Resilient Children

Children learn love—or manipulation—by watching us.

• Non-narcissistic parents model humility: Admit mistakes. Apologize. Show children that leadership includes accountability.

• Non-narcissistic parents teach empathy: Ask questions like, “How do you think your sibling felt when that happened?” Empathy is taught through intentional reflection.

• Non-narcissistic parents guard against entitlement: Narcissism often grows in environments where children are praised without boundaries and gifted through screaming tantrums rather than recognition for appropriate behavior. Affirm character, not just achievement. 

• Create emotional literacy: Help children name their feelings, express them safely, and respect others’ emotions. This builds resilience and relational wisdom.

Application in Interpersonal Relationships: Discernment and Boundaries

Whether in ministry, friendship, or work, narcissistic traits can masquerade as charisma and a charming personality. But discernment is key.

• Watch for patterns: Is this person always the hero—or the victim? Do they deflect responsibility or try to manipulate outcomes?

• Set boundaries: Jesus loved everyone, but He didn’t entrust Himself to everyone (John 2:24). Boundaries are biblical.

• Speak truth in love: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” (Proverbs 27:6)  Confrontation, when done honestly and prayerfully, can be redemptive and healing.

Final Reflection: Leadership That Looks Christ-like

Jesus was the opposite of narcissistic. He washed feet. He wept with the broken. He laid down His life. So when we ask, “When is a man privileged to lead others?”—the answer is simple: When they lead like Christ.  Not with ego, but with empathy. Not with control, but with covenant and compassion. Not with dominance, but with divine love.  Be blessed!  -wcd

Resources for Further Reading:

Biblical Pathway: Narcissism in Relationships Explores narcissistic traits through a biblical lens and offers tools for setting boundaries.


Bible Study For You: 30 Verses About Narcissistic People A curated list of verses with commentary for navigating toxic dynamics.


Bible Reasons: 50 Verses About Narcissism Comprehensive resource for understanding pride, manipulation, and spiritual resilience.

 

Relevance, Retirement, and Hazel the Dog Whisperer

So here I am in "retirement", a man on a noble quest: to remain relevant and engaged. I had big plans—write, paint, mentor, maybe even invent something brilliant. Instead, my days have been hijacked by Hazel. 

Now, "Hazel" isn’t a neighbor or some long-lost aunt. "Hazel" is my wife’s alter ego, the one that came out this morning as she threw her hands in the air and declared:
“I’m Hazel, the maid from the old TV show—doomed to clean up after everyone and everything!”

And honestly? She’s not wrong.

Because our household is currently run by two furry tyrants: a new puppy with zero manners and a Boxer whose appetite rivals a linebacker at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Between chewed shoes, nose prints on everything, and the never-ending hunt for “just one more snack,” "Hazel" has her hands full. Did I mention the geriatric poodle-mix who just paces around looking for things we can't see?  

I’d like to say I help. But truthfully? I'm ashamed, but I mostly laugh. Laugh at the sight of my wife pacing the kitchen like she’s conducting military maneuvers, trying to keep one dog from stealing the other’s food bowl. Laugh at the chorus of whines, barks, and sighs that make up the soundtrack of our so-called “quiet retirement.”

And maybe, just maybe, laughing is my way of staying relevant. Because if I can still find humor in the chaos, if I can still write about "Hazel’s" adventures with her four-legged dependents, then maybe I haven’t aged out of the story just yet. I can still dodge a thrown sofa pillow....but that's another story. 

Besides, somebody has to tell the world that while retirement looks serene on a brochure, in real life it’s more like:

• Wake up.

• Feed the Boxer.

• Clean up after the puppy.

• Repeat every two hours...or thirty minutes

• Watch "Hazel" mutter under her breath like she’s starring in her own sitcom.

• Watch out for incoming sofa pillows. 

As for me? I’ll keep laughing, keep writing, and keep reminding "Hazel" that one day she’ll thank me for documenting her legacy as the sainted dog whisperer of our golden years.

Until then, long live Hazel!   Be blessed! 😂   wcd