Stuff We Learn About Relationships...Usually Too Late

I’ve learned to listen for what brings us together.
Not just food and the laughter,
but the quiet stuff too.
Shared grudges, shared appetites, shared need.

When somebody gets comfortable naming “people I hate,” listen harder.
That dragon has a long tail, and sooner or later it will swing your way.

I’ve learned to spot favors,
masquerading as affection,
Like I owe you because you smiled,
And your “special place” in my life,
Becomes a tab you can’t afford.

I don’t sell my self-respect anymore.
I don’t bargain away my dignity to keep the peace in a room.
And I’m careful what I hand out as “personal information,”
because some people treat your story

like the tools of a useful fool.

So I watch people’s eyes when I’m speaking,
Not for flattery, for their presence.
There’s a difference between someone who looks at you
and someone who looks through you, waiting for their turn.

I don’t mistake gracious tolerance for friendship.
And I don’t mistake friendship for love just because it feels good to be seen.
I guard my heart the same way I guard my words.
Because once they’re out there, they’re out there,
And I’ve seen people use a soft sentence today as a weapon tomorrow.

I watch how friends handle my stress.
Are they seeking gentleness or seeking importance?
Do they steady the room, or do they make it all about them?

Arguments don’t scare me like they used to.
They teach you what’s real.
I’ve learned what will and won’t survive an argument,
who can circle back and talk plainly, and who turns every disagreement into a punishment.

I won’t trade my self-respect for anybody’s approval.
I won’t carry guilt that somebody packed for me.
I don’t apologize for what I did not do.
And I don’t do for another what I couldn’t accept in return.

I practice the word no.
I practice saying yes to what I need.
And I use “best friend” with restraint,
With sincerity, like a title you earn and plan to keep.

I remember scarcity increases value.
So I don’t stay too available,
not because I’m playing games, but because I’m protecting what’s mine to give.

I’ve learned what will sever a friendship.
And if I need to, I’ll use it.
Because the same thing that pulls you close can turn into a hook.
These days, it’s better to be alone than be handled.

wcd