I Was There, But You Didn’t See Me
I grew up in the quiet corners,
the places where light didn’t reach.
Not because I wanted to hide,
but because that’s where you put me,
out of the way, out of mind,
out of the warmth I kept hoping would turn my way.
I learned early how to make myself small.
How to swallow the sting
when my name wasn’t the one called,
when my hands weren’t the ones held,
when my heart wasn’t the one you chose.
I watched you give to others
what I wanted so badly it ached,
the softness, the pride,
the simple miracle of being wanted.
I memorized the way you smiled at them,
wondering what was wrong with me
that you couldn’t look at me the same.
Invisible.
Something wrong.
Used.
Taken for granted.
Never enough.
You taught me those words
before I knew what they even meant.
But weak?
No.
Not in my mind.
Not in the place I kept myself alive
When the rest of me felt like it died.
I wanted to run sometimes,
Away from you,
And toward something kinder,
something that didn’t make me question
my own worth every time I breathed.
I needed hugs.
I needed love.
I needed someone who could see me
without comparing me,
without ridiculing the parts of me
that were only trying to survive.
And now, as the years pile up behind me,
I still feel the void of what could have been
a good relationship,
a safe place,
a home inside our home,
instead of outside your shadow.
I miss something I never fully had.
I grieve a bond that lived only in my imagination.
But the person who stood there waiting,
the one you overlooked,
he’s still here.
he’s still living.
he’s still learning
that his worth was never yours to give.
Now I'm old and life has spent its energy.
I found myself in my own reflection,
but not where I needed to see it.
I learned what you could not teach me,
You've long been gone from here,
I hope when next I meet you,
Laughter will replace the tears.
